
I have never been big on New Years resolutions. I'm not sure why. Maybe because i rarely keep them? Ha! However this year i feel so led by the Lord to work on changing my life in one specific are. But before i get to that, let me explain something that happened a couple of weeks ago-
During a Wednesday night church service our song leader was giving a short devotion about the new year coming up. He gave everyone a challenge: Instead of making petty New Years resolutions that people will rarely keep, and will forget about, try praying that GOD would show you what He wants you do this new year. What He maybe wants you to work on, or what His will may be for your life the upcoming year.
I loved this! Over the next week or so i began telling others about this great idea and how they should do it too. But after a short time went by i realized
i hadnt prayed and asked God to show me this yet! So i did. Twice. That same week i had one of those go-to-bed-feeling-guilty-because-i-was-such-a-bad-mom kind of nights. But every night that week. It was awful. So one night as i was reading my Bible i felt the Lord really tugging at my heart to stop and pray. Right then. After putting it off for a few seconds i did stop, even though i had no idea what i should pray about. But in the next moment i felt this rush of guilt for how i had been treating my kids and i immediately started to cry and beg God to help me be a better mom. I have prayed this many times, but never like this. The tears kept coming and i kept pleading. Pleading with God to give me the strength i need to hold my tongue. Pleading that He would give me patience in the most impatient situations. I realized in that moment that over the past 5 years i have been trying to be a good mom, but on my own. With my own tactics. Which is why i have failed. That night i realized i
cannot be a good mom without the Lord. I will fail miserably every time. My eyes were opened so much and i felt so refreshed and so weak. Weak in that i need the Lord so very much. A wonderful kind of weak.
I didnt realize it until about a week later but that was most definitely God answering my prayer as to what He wants from me this year. He wants me to become gentle. Something i rarely am im sorry to admit. I anger easily, fly off the handle and i am very impatient at times. Unfortunately its almost always with my kids and my husband. Ive gotten alot better over the years but not nearly where i need to be. Being gentle has been a struggle i have dealt with for a very long time. But this year with God's help i know that can be changed. I can and will become gentle. A gentle wife and a gentle mommy.
Already the Lord is working in my heart and i am so thankful. I asked Him to show me when i am being harsh and He has. And i immediately let my pride down and change it. I talk to my kids in a more gentle tone and try not to discipline them out of anger. Im working on lashing out at my husband and just not saying something when my pride wants to. It will be a long road and i know it will be a lifetime battle to become gentle. But i pray that with God's help i can drastically change my ways and become the gentle woman i need to be for the Lord and my family this year.
I have already begun some different studies and started a binder/notebook where i keep bible verses, notes from sermons or blogs, quotes, anything about gentleness that speaks to me. I am also going to jot bible verses about gentleness onto index cards to leave around the house or in my purse, car, places like that so i can read them often and hopefully memorize some as well. I am going to seek out christian books about gentleness too. Also i HIGHLY reccomend checking out Courtney's
gentleness challenge (from Women Living Well). Every week she posts about a different parenting topic that will help moms become 'gentle'. Perfect timing for me of course! God works that way :) Courtney also posts a video every week and its such an encouragement! I will be following along with this challenge in a section of my binder as well. After i have a bit more in my binder i will do a post all about it, in case you'd like to make one too! I cant take the credit for it though. Courtney had the original idea for something similar. And my friend Laurie too ;)
So that's it for now. I would LOVE any prayers out there as i start on this journey of becoming gentle. And i would love to hear from any of you out there about any tips you might have for me or any 'life words' you may be working on! And i will keep you posted on my progress and such!
Love to you all!
Rebecca