My
word for 2012 is gentleness. Because it is a major area i have been needing to change. Desperately. Because i was tired of shouting or lashing out at my kids. And my husband. I was tired of being impatient and not showing Christ’s love. I was sick of feeling guilty all the time and knowing i so badly need to be a better wife and mother. Read more about this decision
here.
It has been about 4 months since i made that decision and all i can say is wow! I cannot begin to tell you how amazing and faithful our God is. I earnestly sought God’s guidance and prayed fervently for His help in the area of gentleness. He has opened my eyes and showed me so much in this area. He immediately brought things to my attention. More than i thought i needed help with. And right away it seems help fell in my lap! Blogs i have been following for awhile started teaching about gentleness. And through friends i was introduced to new blogs, who would specifically blog about being gentle and grace-filled and more. I have been reading books and stories and watching other ‘gentle’ women that i need to learn from.
And ladies i cannot tell you how much i have changed in these past 4 months! The Lord has given me willpower to bite my tongue and the patience i need to deal with stressful situations. When i used to lash out in anger i have been calmly dealing with the situation. My kids see a different me. I can feel it. They are happier and i am happier. Our home has already become different. A calmer place with peace and love. When i discipline them it is almost never out of anger anymore. It is calmly, with love and always a hug afterward followed by them looking me in the eyes and apologizing.
I feel like these are just a small part of the changes that have been taking place in my heart and in our home. This email would be 3 pages long and i don't have time for that and neither do you im sure ;)
So let me get down to some ideas for YOU. Some of the things that have been super helpful to me so far.
Courtney at Women Living Well did a Gentleness Challenge and it is awesome. I highly recommend you try it. Here are some quotes from the first week entitled “Yelling at a bud won’t make it bloom”:
‘Research has shown that when a parent raises their voice at a child – a defense mechanism kicks in that helps the child emotionally protect themselves by tuning out what you are actually saying. When we as moms go on a long rant about something the child has done wrong – we may feel better because we got our feelings out – but our child has not been brought any closer to wisdom and understanding.’
‘Surprisingly, when we harshly tell our children we do not like something they are doing – all they hear is – “you don’t like me“- period. It’s the harshness that accompanies the correction that causes the child to take personal offense and not listen.’
I have a 3 subject notebook that i am using for the entire year. It has a section for Bible Studies, a section for Prayer Requests and a section on anything to do with my Gentleness challenge. So while doing Courtney’s study i use a page to write down the title for the week and some of the things she said in her post that really impacted me. And everyday that week i read it over and try my best to apply it. It’s been working wonderfully!
Grace Full Mama is one of the new blogs i mentioned i had recently found. She is amazing. Her and her family are missionaries to Indonesia and her posts touch my heart every time. But her blog name says it all. She is always encouraging mamas and helping us become full of grace. Check out her blog and you will agree. But she posted this totally great printable entitled
Grace In The Moment that i printed out and is hanging on my fridge. I read it all the time. Such good reminders! She ALSO did a challenge, somewhat similar to Courtney’s, entitled
‘Cultivating A Heart For Motherhood’.
If you want even more parenting advice check out either of Michelle Duggar’s books. I have only read the second one (
A Love That Multiplies) but have heard the first one is just as good. Whether or not you agree with all of her decisions, she is one of the most patient moms i have ever ‘seen’. (No i haven't personally met her of course but i have seen some episodes of her show haha.) Can you believe how patient she is?! And with that many children? One of the things she has said that always stuck with me is when she was talking about not raising her voice at her children. She forces herself to do the opposite. She said instead her children know she’s really upset if she starts whispering! Ha! Boy isn't that a goal to strive for! And I've actually been trying it! Not at the whispering stage yet but my kids are learning that me being quite is just as important as when i used to yell. Except without all the negativities that comes along with yelling.
Another new blog i found recently is called
I Take Joy. Maybe some of you have heard of Sally Clarkson? She is a great mama and her posts have been so helpful to me. And i plan on reading one of her mothering books soon.
I also have a handful of women in my life that are super gentle, calm and patient. Not to mention Godly. They may not know it but i have been watching them, seeking help from them and find myself sometimes asking what they would do in my situation. Find godly women who have the qualities you need to work on and don’t be afraid to learn from them! My 3 main gentle ladies (not including the ladies i already mentioned above) are my pastor’s wife, my best friend Laurie and a woman jenny from the homeschool co-op i am a part of. They encourage me so much and i hope to have a gentle spirit come as naturally to me as it does to them.
Well i think its about time i wrap this post up. Again i could go on and on but i just wanted to share my main points. Yes i knew there were many ;) I will update you again in the future and share some more with you. Until then i hope you seek God with all your heart and allow Him to work on whatever areas you are struggling with. He wants to help you and is just waiting for you to ask!
Thanks for listening!
** I would like to add, being gentle is still a daily battle for me. I don't want this post to sound like im perfect. Because im far from it. It is still a daily struggle for me and everyday i am asking God for help and trying again. Although i have gotten a ton better since i started this challenge, i know i still have far to go!
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